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To My Friends Without Kids

Updated: Jun 21



Dear friends without kids,


Throughout this pregnancy, I have been extremely sick. I’ve tried every natural remedy, every medication, and even taken a fun trip to the ER, and I’m still struggling to find relief. We just can’t quite figure out how to really help me yet.


This hardship has pretty much shattered any efforts to keep up appearances. I can’t perform my way out of puking. My body physically won’t allow me to “press on” and “work hard enough” to see my efforts be rewarded. The to-do list grows instead of shortens. I currently feel like the worst mom to my toddler because I’m not giving her the attention she is used to receiving from me, and I lose my patience with her more often than I usually do.


And I almost didn’t share this because I know the Christian female Instagram world is all up in arms right now about moms who make motherhood sound like the pits. But here’s the hard truth, people without kids: SOMETIMES, it is the pits.


Listen, I understand the dangers of oversharing on social media. I wholeheartedly agree that we need to have our close inner circle to share our junk with, face to face, who will point us to the truth of God’s Word. I know our “feelings” are not reliable and can quickly lead us astray when left unchecked. I believe that because of JESUS, we can find joy in motherhood even when it’s hard. I’ve been a mom long enough to know that these children are GOOD gifts. And yes, I can testify that the beauty exceedingly outweighs the difficult moments.

 

But when we swing too far on either side of the pendulum when it comes to the reality of motherhood, we enter dangerous waters. The message that you “won’t survive without coffee” and are destined to be “living for naptime” is definitely a sad narrative, because motherhood is SO much richer than that. But you know what else? Some days, and during some seasons, you might just feel like you won’t survive without coffee, and I can guarantee at some point in your mothering journey, you will say the words “I can’t wait until naptime.” And sister, when that day comes, I don’t want you to be swallowed up by guilt and shame because of the countering message that you should have had better spiritual perspective than that. 


The message your heart really needs to hear is this: Christ has overcome sin, death, sadness, pain, hardship, addiction, exhaustion, illness, and our feelings. He has won, and His blood has ransomed YOU if you believe in Him. It doesn’t mean he’s eliminated those things from our lives, because we still live in a broken world. But it DOES mean that through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can walk in the victory Christ has claimed for us on the cross, regardless of the season of motherhood we’re currently in. 


If you’re puking your guts out, can’t hold your eyes open, and your baby girl is screaming at you because she wants another cracker, you might find yourself praying, “Jesus, just get me to naptime.” And those thoughts, mama, they’re not all bad. It’s the posture of your HEART that matters. Because you can say “Jesus, just get me to naptime,” and know in your soul that it’s not just a funny meme to you, but a genuine cry from awareness of your lack of ability to do this motherhood thing on your own. It’s not a sarcastic lament, but a declaration of FAITH because you are confident that He WILL bring you through, and He WILL give you rest in His presence. 


He will carry us with His strength when we’re weak. He will give wisdom generously when we seek His face. He will restore us to the joy of our salvation (and our motherhood) when we extol Him with praise & thanks. He will never leave us alone. THAT is our hope. 


All my love,


Your mom friend

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